Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Being too nice and kind is solely an internal itch. I don't mean that for specific people in my life but to those who aren't close to me. I have been always kind and nice almost with everyone and everywhere. I have been always trying my best to interact with people less but in the same time making relation with them. Thankfully, I'm known to be the cheerful and crazy person, people told me that I have a unique smile and attitude. Yes I don't interact with people that much, but when they need me I welcome them with my both hands like I'm the closest person to them. I help as much as I can and I try my best not to bring anyone back, because I would feel guilty if I didn't help a person who asked me for a help. It's something more like inborn habit; I just can't help it myself helping others and be gracious as possible. I'm not the type of a person who would do something to get a 'thank you' on return, but I do it as ethically as religiously as I have been taught. My concern is seeing people happy and in peace; intrinsically that Allah would accept my work as good deeds and grant me his compassion, either on this life or at the Judgment Day.

Yet, all overall, you would find people who bears hatred for you, jealousy and malevolence. I don't bother myself with that because I know I can't satisfy every single individual I ever knew. But the worst part, being nice people who aren't close to you but they hates you or dislikes you. I don't interact with them that much and if I do, I'm with all innocence baring my kindness and being honest to everyone. What earnestly irritates me that I have been nice and kind to a person and the other day s/he completely ignores what I did for him/her. Some people would even backstabbing you and accuse you with something that you'd never ever done. This is unequivocally called hypocrisy and depreciation and such people are scum of the earth.

Lately, I've been trying to be a better Muslim referring to the fact that death is certain and we just don't know when we are going to die. I was thinking about those people who bear some enmity for me and I was like "Ok, let me be better than these people and go apologize to them about anything to just satisfy their pleasure so they could stop stalking and shitting about me". As much as I always wanted not to be hated but actually loved and respected from everyone, I thought of an idea that –for the long terms- purifies me from having enemies which is apologizing.

Apologizing and saying sorry to people, however, is definitely something righteous and ain't lame. At the beginning, I was very hesitant to go and talk to those people and say sorry, but I got my guts and did it. I went to apologize to many people that I thought that I wasn't that much nice with them or that I ever had a problem with them previously. The majority of them were very understanding and actually they were shocked why I came and apologized to them. For some reasons I thought I would sound as awkward as a loser just going to people and apologize to them after being all nice and kind before. Then, I believed that I did the right thing and I don't think I would regret what I did one day. I was better than them, yes I felt relived after apologizing knowing that I have no more enmity from people that I kept thinking they do have. The word "sorry" is verily like a magic word, it changed my relation with many people to a better one.

That wasn't enough for me, I have also an online identity and I do have relations with other online identities in different communities. What the heck, I went to apologize to many of them (either by E-mail or Forum PMs) and I was also happy that most of them were an understanding person. There were three identities that were exceptional. One has reluctantly replied me with very harsh and offensive words that is unexpected from a person like him that has good online reputation. I couldn't believe that he holds that much hatred for me and my artwork in this way but at the end I would say (if you gonna read this) Allah Ysam7ak!!

The other two identities completely ignored my PMs which were succinct why I came and apologized to them. These two are two best friends in real life and to date I don't know why on earth they didn't reply me, whatsoever. As I said, apologizing to people isn't something shameful you do or it's for losers. Frankly, I don't know why they ignored it as a month or so have passed already, although they practice their online activities daily. Sub7an Allah, what do they think? Is it because someone came and apologized to them that they now want to ignorantly being arrogant? I was thinking why they're doing this. I think they just want to make me feel lower than them and be like a loser. Well, lol obviously I'm not a loser and what I did was perfectly the right thing. It's not shame to apologize and gaining reation with people but the real shame is that you don't respond to the people who're trying to be nice with you. It's shame when someone sends you an email or a PM and you don't reply. Myself, I would feel as ignorant as clumsy person if I ignore any person, no matter what. If I'm in their case, the least thing I can do is replying back with anything but not to be rude and arrogant ignoring messages. It's either these two identities felt that I was better than them coming to apologize first. Or else, they don't have morals and respect and their thinking is merely like animals, although animals would feel sorry for them because their reaction is a pathetic excuse to the human being!

Last but not least, to you readers, if you think that I ever misbehaved, mistreated or wasn't that nice to you, I'M VERY SORRY!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I was bored and thought of practicing Adobe Illustrator CS2 more, so I decided to vector cloud's pendant which you all know ;)

Time spent: approx. 2.5 hrs

and here's little gradient effect:

Comments and feedbacks are highly appreciated. Although, I will work on a wallpaper using this design, am relaying on you comments ;)